November was a month that brought me more clarity than I have felt in years. I often talk here about my never-ending confusion, my never-ending sense of being lost. For some reason, while this month was anxiety-filled, it was also the first time in a long time that I felt some sort of understanding of what direction I would like my life to go. Small wins.
Jazz music - Piero Piccioni, specifically
Getting a boring, old hot coffee at coffee shops
Struggling to make a Christmas list when I’m always buying things for myself
My new signature scent - Replica Jazz Club
Saying, “Thank you, more please,” when the universe gives me even the smallest sign that it’s on my side. This new affirmation is thanks to tik tok
Blue light glasses
Worrying that my Spotify Wrapped will expose my embarrassing music taste
My Adidas sambas, finally. I only bought them MONTHS ago
Sitting on the floor when I get overwhelmed
Not drinking more than two alcoholic beverages in one night ever again. My hangover after Thanksgiving was a well-deserved punishment.
For most of November, I was in a serious reading slump. I forced myself to read something new within the last four days of the month only so I had something to share in this newsletter. I quickly read The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. I bought this book after hearing it was the best place to start with Kafka’s work, but it never ended up making it off my bookshelf. This book seems to be a creative critique of capitalism and its effect on human empathy. The main character, Gregor, is the sole provider for his family (his parents and his younger sister) with the goal of paying off his father’s debt. Almost every dollar he makes is given away to his family. One morning, he wakes up as an insect– it sounds silly, I know. Because of this, he is unable to continue working. He is immediately fired by his boss and his family, once they realize that he can no longer make money for them, does not care for him.
It was a quick and interesting read that seems to have a silly plot from the outside but has such a deeper meaning once you read it.
I spent this month mostly with my family. My grandfather had knee surgery at the beginning of the month and, since then, has been unable to drive. I spent one Saturday driving my grandmother around to run her errands, and then I managed to spend 7 hours with the two of them talking and laughing. Halfway through, my brother came to join us. Oddly enough, that day spent on the couch at my grandparents was one of my favorite days of the month.
The following week, my dad helped me make one of my grandmother’s recipes that has been passed down for generations. It is one of our favorite meals. I began learning the recipe a few years back when growing older started to hit my grandmother, and it became important to her that I learned. Throughout the process, it also became important to me that I learned.
Of course, we spent Thanksgiving with our entire family. The Saturday after was spent setting the house up for Christmas. Putting ornaments on the tree is always one of my favorite moments of the holidays. Our tree is a time capsule filled with personalized ornaments, crafts we made as children, and ornaments handed down within our family. We spent most of the afternoon setting it up, ordering takeout, and playing cards for the rest of the night.
The day before Thanksgiving also marked the eighth anniversary since my mom passed. My dad had stopped me the night before, and we talked about it. Neither of us could believe eight years had passed already. Time has escaped us. I’m learning that, while time passes, the emotions keep the memory present. And I’ll continue to do all I can to make her proud.
Naturally, my notes app this month consists of my Christmas list. Yes, I’m 25 and still make a Christmas list, but that is solely because I am asked for one. It is one of my least favorite things to do. I spent the entire year buying things for myself, but when the time comes for someone else to buy me something, I cannot think of one thing I want. So, here’s a preview of what goes on my Christmas list.
That’s all for my November review, friends! Sending you all love and care during this holiday season.